XMPP is an open and extensible standard for real time communications.
XMPP comes with a core that is defined in its rfc, which describes the basic protocol for doing instant messaging and exchanging presence information. However where XMPP really shines is in its extensibility: XMPP defines the building blocks (presence, message and iq stanzas) to create protocols of communication. These typically come as extensions. A list of currently available standard extensions can be found here. The most important of these are typically available for all the popular XMPP servers.
It is exactly this extensibility that makes XMPP appropriate as message-oriented middleware.
Let me take as an example Publish-Subscribe which is a typical pattern for middleware and becomes a necessity as soon as you depart from the scenario with a few entities where simple messaging is adequate. PubSub is used in situations where entities, or producers, produce information that is to be consumed by other entities, the consumers. Typically, the information is written to nodes, to which consumers are subscribed. Being subscribed they receive notifications when an item is added/updated/deleted. An incredible amount of use-cases can be elegantly covered by PubSub, from queuing long-running jobs and having workers handle them, to micro-blogging. XMPP has a very robust and widely available extension to handle PubSub in a standard way, described in XEP-0060 and providing out of the box a workflow for handling publishing, subscriptions, notifications and security. Having a look at the use-cases in the XEP will give you an idea for the simplicity of the whole thing.
Now, while most use-cases are covered by using (or abusing) existing standard extensions, eventually you might need the little extra custom protocol that is not covered elsewhere. Using your language of choice you can write an XMPP component defining your own protocol. You then connect the component to the XMPP server you are running and by using simple namespacing let the server know what kind of messages you can handle and let the server advertise your protocol capabilities to clients connecting to it. There is no end to how simple or complex you can make this. Lack of better example but maybe good enough for illustration, here is a component I wrote that leverages XMPP to do real-time collaborative editing in the Plone CMS (similar to Google docs). While the details can get complicated I think having a look at the "Protocol Specication" on that page will give you an idea.
Finally, concerning Java specific libraries as @boday mentions, there are libraries around that make it easy to start with as well as Apache Camel integration (although it only does simple messaging as far as I can see). Keep in mind though that the investment in understanding how XMPP works and being able to go beyond using existing libraries is really worth it and can lead to extremely powerful and yet simple integration.
